It’s stupid o’clock, i am sat on the sofa in my big, soft fleecy jumper and pjays’s with the cat for company and i’m awake! I had rolled over in bed and my body had protested quite forcibly and my mind pinged on, so i’m here writing when i need to be asleep. I suppose in the scheme of things that’s not too bad but if i tell you something, well please don’t pass it about. 😉
I have Fibromyalgia. Easy to say, hard to understand. I was diagnosed in 1994 when i had the oddest pain’s in multiple places. I managed ok for years but over the last 6 years or so its been bad. I’m not whinging, there are people out there with far worse, (my mum has cancer) but there comes a time when things build up and it’s hard to cope. You put a very brave face on, people ask ‘how are you?’ and the answer is always ‘good thanks’ as you know that if you start on what is not ok the glassy eyed look will happen very quickly. See i look fine, i have no lumps, bumps, missing bits, marks or any thing. I do limp and grimace from painful muscles and get tired easily. There are a huge number of other things but i am not going to mention them as it’s just depressing 😦 google it. (
Here in England it is a lot easier to find help than in some countries, well it was until the government with their silver spoons, posh accents and private education came into power, then they decided that anyone receiving help through disability benefits was a malingerer, living off the back of the working people who pay all those taxes. It took me ages to actually claim any of this help, i don’t use it to go on foreign holidays, buy Ipads or multiple flat screen tv’s. We live a modest but happy life, together as a proper family, the 6 of us in our little home. So now i have been lumped in with those who have claimed disability for a bad back, who cant walk more than a few yards without pain, who got better then forgot to cancel their benefit and used it as pocket money. Apparently there are loads of them! Well that’s not me! I am so angry that they made me go to an ATOS medical, bloody ATOS wouldn’t know a bunion from bursitis. You get seen by a medical professional, yeah. I got a nurse, not a rheumatologist who would know about my condition. How would she know how to assess me, the outward signs are some what normal, it’s just inside that is a total wreck.
After the medical they told me my benefit was stopping as i was fit to work, i scored ‘0’ points! Ha. What do they know. So after all these years Bam! get on with it yourself. How!
THEN, they stopped by Disability living allowance and are taking my motability car off me, claim PIP they said. But in the mean time, as it can take up to 6 months to process as it’s this governments NEW benefit system, well just suffer!
I try to look on life as a glass half full person, at the moment there are things i just can’t do. I hate saying that as i am not a negative person. I get tired, you try getting a bus to go shopping when you have just had 3 hours sleep, your body is singing with pain, your skin feels as if it has ants crawling underneath it and your legs hurt so much because of arthritis in you hip and knee! Oh and the fibro fog is so thick your short term memory is none existent.
I am a battler, so tomorrow, (today actually) i am going to see a welfare rights guy who i hope is going to be able to help me and quickly, though bureaucracy is slow i know. The government is trying to cut benefit costs in this time of austerity but they are going about it the wrong way. They have stopped housing benefit to anyone under 21, what happens if you have an evil step parent who throws you out of the house at 16? You have no help, no where to go and no way of finding anywhere to live unless you have a job, so you end up on the street. The government has washed their hands of those kids. Bedroom tax! WTF? There are so many small houses with families crammed into them, we live in the smallest square footage of all EU countries, so when it comes to down sizing if you have a rented home, well where do you go? So they tax your spare room, it doesn’t matter if that’s the room the partner has to sleep in because their spouse is disabled and needs a special bed, or the medical equipment is stored in there because they need oxygen and a wheel chair. No, it’s spare so lets tax it. I wonder how many spare bedrooms David Cameron has?
We own our home, Margaret Thatcher, God bless her, thought it a great idea for council’s to sell off their housing stock to the tenant, so we bought ours. We are going to struggle to pay our mortgage, in a few months time things will get past austerity tight and maybe the food banks will be visited, not a pleasant thought. I would rather be putting food into them rather than taking it out. I have thought about going to work, seriously. I have job hunted but seriously who wants to employ someone who may not be able to go to work regularly because of their fibro pain or hospital/doctors appointments? Last interview i went to was for a managers position at NEXT, i have been a store manager several times, we were getting along very well, they were impressed with my CV and experience but when they learnt i had a disability the interview terminated abruptly and well you can guess i didn’t get the job.
I’m not saying that i deserve benefit as i would truly like not to have to claim it but surely it is there to help people like me and the other people like me, live a tolerable day to day life. To feed our families and keep a roof over our heads. I don’t want luxury and foreign holidays, just a little support.
Our benefit bill for non EU immigrants is huge, they come here because they know it is easy for them to be paid to live here, they bring their 10 children over and complain until they have a huge house in Kensington that costs hundreds of thousands of pounds a year for the government to rent for them, claim all of the benefits they can, don’t work and swan around in designer gear. All off the back of our tax payers. Is that fair?
This government came into power, powered by people who have not had to seriously work for their money, who have not had to worry about feeding their family or keeping them in their home. They have looked at our countries deficits and decided that, hey they are comfy lets cut the benefits bill, save some money, make the malingerers work, then our deficits will reduce. But there are no jobs, they say there are but here on the Wirral it is one of the hardest areas for young people to find work, unemployment is up. (
They have let the top echelon take so much money out of our banks and businesses in bonuses because they sit on the boards, do 10 hours work a month and are paid hundreds of thousands of pounds. Now those banks and businesses are in trouble and the workers don’t get paid a living wage, so they struggle, are paid Tax Credit to help them survive, cant spend money as they have no disposable income so our economy suffers, jobs are cut and people claim benefit. They use their savings to survive, eat into them, (if they have any) then their bank accounts empty, are closed, the banks have less and less money to lend, people cant buy houses, the housing industry collapses, builders cant find work so they have to claim benefits. Its a vicious circle that goes around and around.
Looking at the other political parties i can’t see anyone there who can get us out of this whirlpool, they all have their formula for the ‘good of the country’ saying ours is better than yours. Perhaps if they ALL got together like grown ups and put the best bits of their individual policies together they could help put England back onto its feet again. Yeah!
That doesn’t help me at the moment, it looks like i am going to have to prove, yet again, that i am, whats the right word or phrase? Not deserving, or entitled, more in need of the help. That my disability, Fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis and here is the great one, the most recent one, the oh shit one, a meningeoma brain tumor, apparently 1/38.000 women have them, though mine is non cancerous, slow growing but may need to be removed at some point in the future, is worthy of the need for assistance and that i am not a lazy, good for nothing, feeding off the back of the workers.
Well the sun is up now, it’s a beautiful day. The kids need to be roused from sleep, school is waiting but me, well im shattered now, my meds are working finally and i need to go back to bed. So rant OVER.