I showed a piece of art work to a gallery manager/owner last week. You know where you have one of those dreams where your standing in front of a zillion people and you realise your naked, well that’s how i felt! The pieces are still a work in process, im not sure which direction they will take but i wanted them scanned to a memory card so i can use photoshop to play with the images a bit more. It’s really like stripping back your skin and showing someone whats underneath when a ‘stranger’ looks at my new work, i feel very exposed and worried they will laugh at my efforts but he didn’t, he said that one was amazing and one had potential, phew wipes brow. So now i have to figure what the potential is and how to produce it.
I’m not sure about you but when im on a creative binge if i look at other artists work i find i start to emulate them, i know nothing is new but i find keeping to my own style, which is kind of fluid, quite difficult if i look at other artists and then the old self doubt raises it’s head but i think this time i may just have a look at Gustav Klimt as i appear to be going in that direction anyway.
No one can say that their lives are not influenced by their parents, it is guaranteed that your Dad will influence you in a different way than your Mum will. I am lucky to have had a very close relationship with my parents, we have understood each other the majority of the time. Yes there were times we argued, i was a teenager once. Somehow I became the daughter who was nominated as the caring daughter, I was the one who was left to look after my parents, I didn’t really mind , you don’t do you they’re your parents after all. When my Dad died my husband, son and I moved into the family home to look after Mum and over 20+ years we lived together through arguments, peaceful times, births, deaths and cancer. I was there for Mum 24/7 and when she was diagnosed with cancer, Multiple Myaloma, i became her carer. We were able to laugh through much of her battle, she was lucky with her Chemo she didn’t loose her hair or suffer sickness, we had the same sense of humour but at the end she did suffer terribly and when she finally passed away peacefully early one December morning my sister and I were able to say a peaceful and loving goodbye. I held her hand and told her how much I loved her and she was gone. Her funeral was a family affair, we were all able to catch up with each other, to talk and reminisce and wonder about the strong woman she was. After Dad died she restarted her education and ultimately gained a Ba hons in the History of Art and Irish Studies, a 2:2 no less! Last night with my loving family and my sister and her girls, we said the final goodbye when we scattered Mums ashes along the beach where we used to go in the summer, near to where Dad worked so he could pick us up in the late afternoon. We said goodbye just as the sun set in a riot of glorious colours and walking back from the beach i felt the weight of caring lift from my shoulders, when we went into our home i could no longer feel Mums presence, finally I am free to start living my life for myself, with the closing of the door a new stage of my life has begun and I hope i finally get to live it how I want not around others needs. Goodbye Mum, hello me.
Spikey Mouse Photography Blog 