Not feeling the creativity …. But

Everyone is being told that during this lock down 3.0, we need to really look after our mental health, in fact for the past 12 months we have heard a lot about making sure we cater to our mental health needs. Exercise, fresh air, doing things you love to do but what happens when its travel that is your love? Nobody can go anywhere! Literally, we are stuck at home, so what can we do about it?

For me and i admit to suffering from depression, i read, i walk the dogs for my hours exercise every day, i try to be creative but there is a block there, spend time with my family, watch television, the usual stuff. I’ve been working on some portraits that i took last year, i cant publish them on social media yet as they were for a film that hasn’t been released yet and i have been contemplating.

With limited resources i have to be careful what i use my Polaroid film for, so i have been waiting for the right photograph to come around so i can transfer it to Polaroid film via my Polaroid Lab. Over Christmas i caught two images of light traces and decided to create an image with my Polaroid Lab. As soon as it was developed i opened the film and on the very back you could still faintly see the image left from the developing paste so i decided to frame both sides of the print in a deep black frame and im really pleased with the results! As soon as lock down is over im going to get them into Chemist and Co. this is the shop that stocks my Polaroid photography and hopefully they will get lots of attention.

Struggling with ways to boost my creativity i look through social media every day, read about what is going on in the world, watch documentaries, look at what my fellow artist friends are doing but for me the one big boost will be to travel again, nothing epic, just around England, even the mere thought of being able to travel whenever i want could be enough, i think it is the thought of freedom that excites. What do you do, how do you manage your mental health, do you have a creative block? Leave me a comment letting me know how your doing, we could start a dialogue and help each other, i think at this time kindness to each other is an essential dont you?

Money, money, money……..

I had very vivid dreams last night, of being young and being introduced to a world i hadn’t been admitted into yet, one where you held power if everyone knew your name, you held power if you were associated with that name. I know what it means and this morning i have woken up feeling pretty powerless over my future.

I am trying pretty hard to create a new future for myself and my family, i am studying social media, watching webinar’s and reading up on best practice, finding representation in shops to sell my art but it is all so frustrating. I wish Covid would just fuck off, why now when now is the time i am finally free to do what i want, go where i want, any time i want, why now?

My creativity is coming in fits and starts and i seem to be relying on older work to get me through this, i just find the frustration levels so hard to deal with. I could sit in the corner and do nothing all day and feel bad if i let it get too much but im made of stronger stuff than that and the corner can just go and do one! I have money to make, bills to pay just like everyone else so why do i feel as if i am standing still in one place?

Deep down i know what i want to do! I want to have my own shop/gallery and i want to help other struggling artists to grab the attention of collectors, shoppers and anyone else just passing but it feels like its just out of my reach. I know what i need, a shop, money, artists, money, stock, money and oh yeah money and a shop. It just goes around and around and makes me feel like im failing, it is the perfect time now, christmas is around the corner, people are buying gifts etc and i feel like i am missing the biggest opportunity of my life.

If you have any useful ideas drop them in a comment please, i think one of the real reasons why im struggling is because i no longer have my sounding board, my back up, the person who believed in me no matter what…. my Mum and i need her. This time last year she became so poorly, her cancer so aggressive and hospital admission was just around the corner, ultimately her passing away early December. I miss her and feel like im floundering around in life at the moment, free but not quite free because of covid holding things back. I suppose i could use that as an excuse for a long time but ultimately it stops at me and i am the only one who can make this happen. I need to pull on my big girl knickers ( pants ) and just do it, so i will!