You are never the same person all of your life, you have incarnations of a different you, daughter, wife, mother, carer perhaps, artist and many more which is how it should be or we would go mad with boredom. How we get there is up to us and certain outside interference which we usually don’t see coming. For me it was a VAA strategy session that turned into a light bulb moment and it’s scary because i know that going forward and moving to portraiture is going to show a lot more of me than landscape photography ever has. I’m on another journey of discovery and i have to jump while i can, jump into letting my mind allow me to immerse myself in the human form, to letting go of the things i have held onto for such a long time, letting others take the strain and doing things just for me.
Small steps are required, im a control freak who hates others doing what i can do myself but im going to try. The first thing has been getting my kids who are young adults now and my husband, who is quite capable, to cook our evening meal. Its just one small step, the next step is to talk to the women i know who model and ask them for their time and experience so i can learn how to photograph people, who better to ask! I can see there is so much to accomplish before i can say i am a portrait photographer, im chipping away at it slowly, i have the time. Im going to need a name for a start and thats a lot to think about, having the wrong name / brand wont help, a few suggestions would help and im going to need equipment, all of my kit is aimed at landscapes and many of my lenses just wont work for portraiture.
I can apply for grants to help with equipment and costs, the goodwill of my friends and family so i can practice on them but it is my mindset that needs a lot of work, as i go forward i will need to allow myself to become something different and that will be a journey and a half. For so long my mind has been moulded into carer mode, i’ve not allowed myself to have a selfish bone in my body and now i need a lot of them. It’s going to be the quiet times in my mind, the thinking times, the introspective times that will allow me to recreate myself and i know it will be a struggle and take time and courage a lot of courage as im rather shy you know.
Maybe i will start a new blog all about this phase of my life and chronicle how the caterpillar became a beautiful butterfly.